THE late Irish comic Frank Carson used to quip 'it's
a cracker' when chuffed with one of his own jokes.
But as the big day approaches, be prepared for gags
of the more groan-inducing variety around Donegal
tables on Tuesday courtesy of our festive favourite
- the Christmas cracker.
Whether they've cost you a day's wage or you've
grabbed them at the last minute from the euro shop,
one thing's for sure - the jokes in your Christmas
cracker will be as lame as the duck that finishes
its meal with 'cheese and quackers'. You will need a
couple of the painkillers you can't find in the
jungle because 'the parrotseatemall'. And you'll
want to leave the table as fast as the fastest fish
in the sea, erm, 'the motorpike'!
Given that we're knee-deep in recession and we're in
mending and making do mode, why not create your own
crackers - adding your own makey-uppy recession
jokes while you're at it? So as your paper hats slip
down to blind you between the brussel sprouts and
the 'plump' pudding, here is a selection to get the
party started:
1. What's a vampire's favourite song?
A: Auld Fangs Syne
2. What do you call a blind dinosaur?
A: A doyouthinkhesawus
3. What’s furry and minty?
A: A polo bear.
4. What did the coral do on January 1?
A: Turned over a new reef.
5. What do you call a man with a seagull on his
head?
A: Cliff.
Meanwhile, courtesy of postings on the techkings.org
website (with a few editorial tweaks) here are some
recession gags you might want to model your own
homemade cracker jokes on:
6. The Irish Government will save even more next
year - it's switching off the light at the end of
the tunnel.
7. The Americans have Barack Obama, Johnny Cash, Bob
Hope and Stevie Wonder. We have Enda Kenny, No Cash,
No Hope and No Wonder!
8. What is Ireland's favourite breakfast cereal?
A: Credit Crunch
9. The credit crunch has helped me get back on my
feet - the car's been repossessed.
10. I went to the ATM. It said there were
insufficient funds. I don't know if it's me or the
bank. |
